The fear of old age, loneliness, illness, dependence on others. I once told my niece that I was afraid of the nights – not of the dark, but of the silence, when my heart starts beating too fast. She nodded, and a week later she and her mother brought me… a dog.
“So you don’t feel lonely!” he said with a smile.
Now I have Plush, a spitz who barks at the microwave every morning. I love her, but I realized: I didn’t need to talk. I didn’t need sympathy or a solution. I just needed to experience this fear alone, silently, with dignity.
3. For your money
How often do adults start telling children how much they have in their accounts, how much they lent the neighbor, how much the medicine costs? And then comes distrust, reproaches, control: “Mom, why did you buy expensive cheese again?”, “Dad, who did you transfer this money to?” Money is a delicate topic, especially when your active years are already behind you.
My neighbor Nina Ivanovna sold her garage and good-naturedly told her son that she had received 180 thousand rubles. A month later she “had to” help her grandson with courses, add to the renovations, and pay for the mortgage. In the end, she had almost nothing left. Only disappointment, which she whispered to me quietly on the bench in front of the apartment building.
4. About your weaknesses
Everyone has their own. One eats condensed milk with a spoon in the middle of the night. Another looks at old photos and sighs. Another plays “80s Hits” and quietly cries to the chorus. These are your personal corners of the soul, don’t put them on display.
My late father, a veteran, almost never talked about the war. Only once, when I was already grown up, did he say:
– There are things, son, that are better to take with you. They weigh more on the tongue than in the soul.
I didn’t question him. I poured him a small one, we kissed in silence. Then I understood: silence is not emptiness. It is also a form of love – for oneself.5. About your loneliness
